you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So much Jack, so little girl.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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