sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
