i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
