Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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