...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
