If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
