You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
