I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
