We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
