Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
