i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
