If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
