No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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