I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Don't EVER smell your tampon
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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