Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
