I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
