Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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