just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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