I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
