i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
