Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
