Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
