My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
