I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
