i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize