I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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