Its about making memories worth repressing
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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