Tell her she can't have a vagina
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize