I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
