Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
