Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
God, I missed his penis.
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