You're so nebulous sometimes
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
