i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
