You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
