i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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