things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
