I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
