and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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