oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
