you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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