Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
