@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
