nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize