I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
