Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
