i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
