remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
