I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
