There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
