hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
