Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
