He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
