We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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