In the future we'll all be gay
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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