margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
