Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
