you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
