Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
