I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Randomize
