AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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