i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
