we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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