I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
