I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
